A Hassle in the Castle
by Amelie Reina
Summary: Mal finds herself taking on the task of helping Uma, Harry, and Gil when they get lost in Auradon Castle.


A Hassle in the Castle

Summary: Mal finds herself taking on the task of helping Uma, Harry, and Gil when they get lost in Auradon Castle.

Disclaimer: I don't own the _Descendants_ franchise, only the idea for this story.

* * *

'Tell me again why I'm on greeting duty?" Mal questioned Evie after another set of royals – King Charming, Queen Cinderella, and Prince Chad to be precise – entered Auradon Castle with their luggage being carried by accompanying staff.

"Because all the wedding guests arriving at the castle have to be received by a royal or else it's considered disrespectful," Evie explained, checking something off of the clipboard in her manicured hands.

"I'm not the Queen yet," said Mal pointedly.

"But you will be come tomorrow," Evie reminded her. "This is good practice for when other royals and foreign dignitaries come to visit. Besides, with Adam and Ben at a meeting with Fairy Godmother and Belle at the spa, you're next in line on the castle's chain of command as a Lady of the Court and the next best person to greet all of the guests who will be staying at the castle until the wedding."

"Speaking of guests," said Mal, stifling a yawn, "how did there end up being so many?"

"Well, all of the nineteen regions of Auradon have sent representatives," Evie revealed. "Add them to the number of friends, old and new, from Auradon and the Isle and you get two day's worth of welcoming attendees."

"Should have just put them up in hotels," Mal muttered. "I would have been able to sleep in that way."

Just then, a shrill ringing sound rang out from Mal's gown pocket, halting any further conversation between the two women. The purple and blue-haired Queen-to-be pulled out the ringing and vibrating device to take the call.

"Hello?"

"_Mal, big problem."_

Mal frowned in confusion. "Uma? You do know that I'm actually in the castle, right?"

"_Duh, otherwise she wouldn't be calling, lass!"_

Realizing that the call was on speaker, Mal spoke up, "Harry?"

"_Where are you?"_

"I'm greeting guests at the main entrance," Mal explained. "You know, those same guests who are coming to see me marry the King of Auradon tomorrow? Guests like you?"

"_Don't get sassy with me, Princess. I'm in no mood."_

"First of all, I'm a Lady," Mal corrected Uma in irritation.

"_Really? Never would have guessed..."_

Ignoring Harry's remark, Mal continued, "Second of all, I have no time for your sarcasm. If you have something to say to me, you know where to find me."

"_While that may be, Mal, getting there is another story." _

Recognizing that a third person accompanied Uma and Harry, Mal asked, "What do you mean by that, Gil?"

"_Um, well, you know how they say that 'not all who wander are lost'?"_

"Yes," Mal answered slowly, wondering where Gil was going with this.

"_Well, you see, um…that doesn't apply to us."_

Tilting her head to the side in puzzlement, Mal asked Gil, "What do you mean by that?"

"_It means we're freaking lost, Princess!"_

Mal blinked at Uma's yelling. "Lost? In the castle?"

"_No, in Auroria. Good grief, Princess, where else?"_

Mal shook her head in disbelief. "Are you three calling me because you got lost in the castle?"

"_Well, we didn't call ye to order a pizza. We've been wandering around for half an hour trying to find the game room."_

"_You know, for our future Queen, she ain't so bright."_

"Hey, I can hear your whispers while you're speaker, Uma," Mal sternly reminded the pirate captain. "Where's your sense of remedial goodness that you learned in class?"

"_I left it in my other pants."_

"But not your sharp and witty tongue, I see," said Mal, sending Evie an exasperated look.

"_Look, just make yourself useful and find us before we go hungry and resort to cannibalism."_

"_If we do, I vote we eat Gil."_

"_Hey!"_

"Okay, okay, nobody will be eating anybody," said Mal quickly. "I'm on it."

"I'll keep greeting the guests on your behalf," Evie told her kindly, fully aware of the situation simply from listening in on Mal's side of the phone conversation.

Mal mouthed her thanks at the blue-haired fashion designer slash wedding coordinator and hurried down one of the corridor connected to the castle's main entrance, flanked by two palace guards who were in charge of her personal security.

"_Man, will it kill Beasty Boy to hang some maps around this place? It's freaking huge."_

"Okay, Uma, can you tell me where you guys are?" Mal requested, studying her surroundings.

"_If we knew where we were, lass, we wouldn't be calling ye to find us."_

Mal sighed heavily and asked, "No, I mean, can you describe where you are?"

"_I see…lots of windows and walls."_

"Well, that definitely narrows it down, Gil," said Mal sarcastically. "What else?"

"_I see a bookshelf…a chair…a blue ball thing with green blobs…"_

Mal arched a purple eyebrow. "You mean a globe?"

"_Sure, if that's what you call it. I also see a desk…"_

"_Mahogany…very nice..."_

Mal rolled her eyes and said, "Focus, Harry. What's on the desk?"

"_Just a wee bit of paper…actually…more than a wee bit…" _

"_Forms…petitions…a few applications of some kind…"_

"_What are grievances?"_

Attributing the documents to those found in Ben's study, Mal bolted up a nearby staircase, not even bothering to check if her guards were keeping up with her as she assumed that they were. She pulled her gown slightly upwards as to not tread on the hem during her ascent.

"_You know, Princess, your future husband could learn to be a bit neater."_

"This is not the time to be critiquing one's skills or lack thereof, Uma," Mal retorted.

"_I mean, has the King ever heard of something called folders or paper clips?"_

"You're one to talk," said Mal as she reached the second floor. "I've seen your ship and you're not exactly the Queen of Organization."

"_Ha, she's got you there, Uma."_

"_Shut it, Gil!"_

"_Just saying…" _

Spotting the door to Ben's study up ahead to her right, Mal asked, "You guys said you saw documents, right?"

"_Yeah, lass, and now I see a bunch of dangly light thingies." _

"Dangly light thingies?" Mal questioned. What in Hercules were 'dangly light thingies'? Whatever they were, she knew that Ben didn't have such fixtures inside his study.

"_Yep…there's also some columns here and golden curtains."_

"What else?" Mal inquired, passing the closed door to Ben's study.

"_Blue carpet…think royal blue…like Evie's hair…"_

"_With gold and swirly designs…"_

"_Whoa, is that a window on the ceiling?"_

"I think that's a skylight," said Mal, coming to a halt. Only one room in the castle had a skylight and that same room was also known for its crystal chandeliers or, as Harry called them, 'dangly light thingies'.

"_I see lots of tables and chairs piled up on the side. I'm guessing the wedding reception will be here?"_

"Hang tight, guys," Mal advised during her dash back down another set of stairs to the main floor of the castle, the thunderous steps behind her telling her that her guards were still with her.

"_Well, it's not like we have anything better to do, lass."_

Reaching the main floor, Mal made the appropriate turn that would take her in the direction of the castle's ballroom.

"_I knew we should have just asked Evie to stay at her place, but nooo…Gil wanted to accept the invite to stay here."_

"_Hey, I've never been to a castle before! I was curious!"_

"_And look where that curiosity got us, Gil. Lost! L – O – S – T – lost!" _

"_I'm blonde, Shrimpy, not stupid. I can spell."_

"_What did I say about calling me that?"_

"Okay, I hate to interrupt this little marital dispute," Mal interjected once she spotted the massive double doors that she was looking for, "but I think I know where you guys are."

"_At least someone here in this bloody castle does."_

"_You know, these potted plants can use some watering."_

Mal came to an abrupt stop and groaned. Last time she checked, there were no plants of any kind in the ballroom. "Are you guys on the move again?"

"_Well, we're not just going to sit around and twiddle our thumbs, Princess. We have to find our way out."_

"Well, you're making it very hard for me to help you with that," Mal snarled, her voice laced with annoyance. "What do you see now?"

"_I see square tiles…little white ones…and some lights on the ceiling."_

"_The walls are white too…wow…and they're sparkly!"_

"_Everything in this castle is, Gil." _

"_Mate, how long does this hallway go?"_

"_I don't see a door anywhere..."_

"_Ugh, we're going to die in this place…"_

Mal rolled her eyes at the dramatics of the pirates. "What else do you guys see?"

"_I see portraits on the walls…" _

"Portraits of what, Uma?" Mal inquired, aware of the vast collection of paintings that lined the walls of the castle.

"_Mostly royals…King Beast…Queen Belle…"_

"_King Charming…Queen Cinderella…Sultana Jasmine…Sultan Aladdin…"_

"_Empress Ting-Ting…Royal Consort Ling…King Eric…ha, Queen Ariel…wow, having Melody really did a number to her waistline…" _

"The Hall of Royals," Mal mumbled, her eyes shifting around rapidly. Spotting another staircase, she scurried up it, hoping to get to the third floor as quickly as she could to catch up with the trio of pirates.

Halfway up the second flight of stairs, between the second and third floors, a force sent the Lady of the Court flying backwards. Turning to see what had prevented her from moving further, she noticed that a part of her dress got caused on a loose nail embedded in the railing.

"Are you alright, Lady Mal?" one of her guards spoke up, appearing by her side.

"Yeah, my dress just got caught," Mal replied bitterly, tugging harshly at the pricey fabric to free it from the nail's hold.

"_Holy Hades, ye people couldn't find a better portrait of Princess Audrey?"_

"Hey, you and I both know that she's far from perfect," Mal pointed out, enunciating every word with a pull of her dress.

"_You're telling me, Princess. Her portrait makes her look like a combination of a troll doll and an unsheared yak."_

"_Bloody blind portrait artist…nothing like the real thing…"_

"Stay where you are, guys," Mal instructed as her guards stepped forward to help loosen her gown from the railing. "I'm on my way."

"_Well, I sure hope you are…"_

"_This place is bloody empty, I tell ye..."_

"You know," Mal began, "I find it hard to believe that you guys haven't seen a single staff member around the castle during your quest to get out."

"_We did see one a while back."_

"And they couldn't help, Gil?" Mal asked incredulously.

"_Well, he wasn't very helpful with directions, but he did give very detailed instructions on how to properly stuff a turkey."_

Once Mal was successfully freed, she exhaled and resumed her exhausting trek up the stairs. Reaching the third floor, she ran down the well-decorated corridor, passing various rooms such as the game room that the pirates were looking for, the castle chapel, and the infirmary.

Finally peering around a corner, Mal gaped in disbelief at the corridor before her empty of everything except for decor. Bringing the phone back to her ear, she said, "I don't see you guys in the Hall of Royals."

"_We don't see you either…"_

"_But we do see suits of armour…"_

Mal growled in the armour-free surroundings. "Don't tell me you guys walked off again…"

"_We have to if we're going to make it out of this bloody castle alive!"_

"Language, Harry," Mal finally scolded, running a hand through her sweaty tresses. Shaking her head at her guards, who were eyeing her curiously, she continued down the corridor, gesturing for them to keep following her.

"_These are some large candlesticks …"_

"_What the Flounder…do you really need eight candles on each one?"_

"I think those are candelabras," said Mal, her eyes flicking from left to right. "What else?"

"_I see white statues in weird poses…and some blue and gold banners."_

"Candelabras, statues, and banners," Mal recapped under her breath. Sure, the castle had all three of those decor items, but not in close proximity of each other.

"_Do you know that painting of Rapunzel's tower at sunset?"_

"Yeah…"

"_I saw that a few minutes ago…"_

Mal heaved a sigh as she found another set of stairs and made her descent. By this point, she was getting extremely frazzled by the whole rescue mission and was on the verge of giving up and leaving the pirates to find their own way out.

"_If we don't get out of here soon, we better find a usable bathroom at least."_

"_Tell me about it…I need to do a wee so bad."_

"All of the bathrooms in the castle are usable, guys," said Mal, mystified by their comments regarding indoor plumbing.

"_Yeah, but this one doesn't seem to flush…" _

"What?" Mal questioned, nearly tripping over her own feet.

"_We've been walking around for half an hour and Gil couldn't hold it in any longer."_

"Are you telling me you guys are in a bathroom?" Mal asked.

"_Finished, guys."_

"_Close the door, Gil!"_

"_Alright…"_

"_Holy Hades…what did you eat?"_

"Which bathroom are you guys by?" Mal questioned desperately after arriving at the second floor again and leaning against the wall to catch her breath.

"_It had a picture of a wall…"_

"Don't you mean on the wall?" Mal asked.

"_No, of a wall. It's next to the toilet with blue dragons on it…"_

"There aren't any toilets in the castle with dragons on them," said Mal, exchanging a look of confusion with her guards who looked equally as puzzled by her statement. "Actually, none of the toilets in the castle have designs on them."

"_Well, this one does…dragons and handles…"_

"Handles?" Mal inquired.

"_Yeah, one on each side. I guess they help you to get off the toilet when you're done?"_

Mal furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to picture the layouts of the different bathrooms within the castle. When realization finally hit her, her eyes widened in horror and her face paled substantially. "You didn't…"

"_He did and, let me tell ye, lass, ye may not wanna go in there for a while…"_

Slapping a gloved hand to her forehead, Mal cried, "Gil, that wasn't a toilet!"

"_It wasn't?"_

"No!" Mal sighed in a panic. "That's the sacred vase of Northern Wei!"

"_That would explain the handles then…"_

"That was a wedding gift from the Emperor of Northern Wei to the Beast and Belle!" Mal explained, feeling her heart pound incessantly against her ribcage.

"_Well, it's a really nice piece…"_

"_Not after that dump you took, mate…"_

"Ugh, Belle and Beast are going to kill me," Mal moaned in despair. "That's not what I need right now, my soon-to-be in-laws angry with me because my choice in wedding guests dirtied one of their priceless possessions."

"_Chill, Princess…"_

"Don't you dare tell me to chill right now!" Mal barked, alarming her guards behind her. "You better pray that I won't find you, Gil, because I promise you, I will hex your ponytail off!"

"_You'll have to go through his captain first, Princess..."_

"_And the first mate…"_

"Stay out of this, guys, and tell me where you are!" Mal demanded, raising her voice to a Queenly status.

"_Is that an order, Your Majesty?"_

"Damn right it is!" Mal shouted in response as she stormed off down the hall with clenched fists and an air of determination.

"Lady Mal!"

"What?" Mal roared, whipping her head around to shoot her guards a deadly glare.

The shorter of the two gulped nervously and shakily pointed towards a window that Mal had passed in her fit of anger.

Rushing towards the window, Mal gazed out of it and saw that she had a perfect view of the tall hedges and flowery shrubs of the castle gardens out back. She also had a perfect view of three familiar pirates seated around a white table full of food within the gardens. Harry had his hook over his mouth and looked to be muffling snickers. Gil was leaning back in his seat with a cell phone pressed to his chest, his eyes alight with mirth. Uma, who had just put down the goblet that she was drinking, gave Gil a come-hither motion with her hand and he passed her the phone.

"_Are you still there, Princess?"_

Narrowing her eyes at the pirates turned pranksters, Mal muttered, "Of course I am, but where are you?"

"_Don't know, but I see a set of swords and some shields…"_

Mal watched the pirate captain bite her bottom lip to hold back a chortle and hand the phone over to Harry. Whatever he said next, Mal was unsure, because thoughts for payback, all of a severe nature, were running through her mind. No one played a prank of that caliber on her and got away with it.

"Mal!"

Putting her phone on mute, Mal turned to see Ben jogging down the corridor towards her. Her guards stepped aside immediately to allow their King to reach his fiancée.

"I was looking for you," said Ben, heaving slightly while he caught his breath. "Evie told me Uma, Harry, and Gil got lost in the castle."

Nudging her head towards the window, Mal hissed, "Don't worry, I found them."

Ben looked out the window at the deceitful trio and his expression became one of befuddlement. "They're not lost?"

"They never were," Mal whispered lowly, scowling at the sight of Uma exchanging fist pumps with Harry and Gil.

Ben looked stumped. "What?"

"I'll explain on the way down," Mal told Ben. Turning to her guards, she said in a regal tone of voice, "Escort Uma, Harry, and Gil to the throne room for a meeting with King Ben and me."

"Yes, my Lady Mal," the guards responded in unison before strolling off to fulfill their given task.

Glancing out the window again, Mal laid eyes on the pirate jokesters and smiled coyly. "Ben, we still need to set up the tables and chairs for the reception, right?"

Ben nodded slowly. "Yes…but they need to be wiped down and polished first."

"Excellent!" said Mal gleefully, taking his right hand in her left. "I think a little manual labour will teach our three new Isle friends never to prank their future Queen, don't you?"

Ben looked at a loss for words as he watched Mal unmute her phone and blinked at the booming voice of Harry that came from it.

"_Are you even listening to us, lass?"_

"Sorry, guys, faulty signal," Mal replied with a wide smirk as she led Ben away from the window and down the corridor. "Now, tell me, what do you see again?"


End file.
